I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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