trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
