TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i've created a new STD.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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