i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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