So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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