Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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