did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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