your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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