from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
