We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
