I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
