Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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