I just cut my nipple shaving
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
