He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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