i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
