Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm too high and old for this...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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