my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
