Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
