no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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