pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish my penis had a tongue
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
