I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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