If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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