He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
