This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
