He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
