If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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