i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
