Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
