I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
