sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
