i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
