Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
