Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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