ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
