He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
