I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
