Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
