Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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