I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
