I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
