walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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