So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
