My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
