Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
