smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
