This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
