Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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