Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
