Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
