Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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