I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
