thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
