I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The beer is more important than you right now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
