OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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