10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have aggressive nipples.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
