whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
